the beginning

let's start from the beginning. may 13, 2006. that was the day two became one and i married my high school sweetheart! as soon as we got married, we knew we wanted to have children. little did we know that there would be a long journey to get there.
at the end of 2006, i was diagnosed with PCOS. i was young and had no idea what all this involved. all i knew is i didn't have periods and i never got pregnant.
the first question everyone asks when you get married is "when are you going to have a baby?" i find that a very personal question. not everyone realizes that for some it isn't as easy as it sounds. what if we didn't want kids? what if you can't have kids? what if it's hard to get there? it is really none of any one's business when or if you are going to have children after you get married. anyway, it was hard to answer when i was asked everyday! i finally came up with the answer that i still use to this day. "when it's meant to be it will happen!"
getting married so young has many ups and downs. but i fully believe this journey to have a family of our own has brought us closer and made us stronger. i always felt like i was all alone in this until i opened up. our friends with children didn't understand so i finally quit talking about it with them. but in opening up, i found a whole new group of friends that know what i am going through and how difficult this is. two ladies in particular have been there for me and i will be there for them no matter what.
so this brings us to today. we started our third round of fertility meds Tuesday, may 4, 2010. last month was the first time they did what they were supposed to and i ovulated! then AF came for a visit for the first time on her own in five years! it was bittersweet...as badly as i wanted to be pregnant, i knew that my body still knows how to function on its own. it has been crazy these past few months. (we started all of this religiously in January.) Dr. says we can do the meds on this level for 4 cycles. hopefully it wont take that long!!! all i can do is leave it in the hands of God now. He knows what is best for me and when.
in going through all of this, it is really hard for me to hear of people "accidentally" getting pregnant. there are many SIMPLE steps to take to prevent this. if only it was as easy to not prevent it! it has been really hard to get excited for some people knowing they weren't ready when it happened. this only makes me realize that when our time comes, our baby will be very much planned, wanted and loved that much more! there will be no mistake about this! i am not a planning type of person so this has taught me tons of patience! its all about planning and waiting...and waiting...and more waiting...
i have a good feeling about this cycle and i don't know what the feeling means, but we will find out soon enough! in the mean time i will continue to hold my head up high and feel like a pin cushion! oh the joys of the wonderful journey of infertility! in a way it has truly been a blessing allowing me to spend the first four years as a married woman with my husband. teaching us patience, love, heartache, and most of all strengthening our relationship. Jesse is very supportive and has sat up with me many nights when I'm in pain or just needing someone there.
between Jesse, my friends (a, b, and m, you know who you are), i have the best anyone could ask for. thank you is not enough! and i love you all very much!
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